Dear DoD,

I’ve been seeing my current man, ‘Steve’, for about eight weeks. We have a great time and stay at each other’s place a couple of nights a week. My issue is that while we’re ‘friends’ on Facebook, he still hasn’t asked if we should change our status to ‘In a Relationship’.

Am I being unreasonable? If so, can you please tell me what is an appropriate time to wait for us to be ‘out’ on Social Media?

Miss Zuckerberg

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Dear Miss Z.

Thank you for your email, and thank you for not posting this on our Facebook wall – it would simply run too long.

This is a modern quandary faced by many new couples. In the Olden Days (pre-2007) it was simple enough to tell your friends you had a new boyfriend or girlfriend while he or she was out of earshot. These days, given you really only communicate with most of your friends via Status Updates or an Instagram post of baked eggs, the circumstances have changed.

Facebook is now the go-to for any significant life event. How many birthday cards did you get last year compared to quick messages on your timeline saying “Happy Birthday Miss Z. Mwah! xxx”? What about New Year’s Eve? Or when your cat died?

Herein lies the problem.

We suggest exposing your ‘significant other’ to some subtle allusions to being loved-up in real life. In front of one… maybe two… of your besties, slip ‘boyfriend’ into the conversation and act like nothing has happened – as though the word was as common as talking about the weather. Look for a reaction and, if none is present, get set for the follow-up.

Ah, the follow-up. This is the moment where your relationship becomes real, and really ready for your friends’ Facebook feeds.

“So…” you start, at a moment that doesn’t involve driving, watching sport or anything else that offers the opportunity of distraction, “How did you feel about me calling you my boyfriend today?”

Hopefully, as the question leaves your lips you are both having a cuddle on the couch, lying in bed or doing something else that narrows the world down to just the two of you. At that point, resistance is futile.

“Absolutely fine,” will almost certainly be the reply.

After a kiss and a cuddle, reminding you both of how awesome you both really are, you can excuse yourself quietly and head to the bathroom.

Just don’t forget to take your phone.

DoD

If you’ve got a question about style, dating or general life skills, send an email to The Department of Deportment via [email protected].